It's been a bit...

I am still here and still doing my thing with the boobs and the milk.  I seem to have dropped off a bit though, with the quantity.  For the last six weeks or so, I haven't been able to do what I needed to do, when I needed to do it.  So - I am now working to get back to a nice level.  I am still spraying milk and my husband is still into it - it's just a lot less often. Still once a day, most days.  But I will handle most of it on my own during the day when the kid is in school and the husband is in work.  I pumped twice today - until nothing else came out.  That's what you want - to be empty, so your body will make more.  The more often you are empty, the more milk you will make.

I used my Spectra pump, but it seems to have stopped working when I went to use it again today. Weird.  It worked fine the first time today. So I pulled out the Ameda.  I like the Ameda more anyway.  Maybe I'll get rid of the Spectra.  It's bulky and loud and well, now doesn't always work. For me, the Ameda has better suction.  I won't do anything with it yet though.

I started back with the brewers yeast again today.  I am not sure if it will make a difference, but I am willing to find out.  I put it in my coffee - can barely taste it with all the creamer I use.  I have a little coffee with my creamer.  I'd rather do this than drink a beer.  Beer has a much more offensive taste than the brewers yeast in the coffee.

I may have gotten almost an ounce - total - today.  Of course, some of that was expressed in the shower, but it may have been an ounce total.  I would love to have more.  I do love seeing it dribble into the collection bottles though.

I'll be better at documenting my progress. It's been over a year since I decided I wanted to do this. Hard to believe!!  I am so glad I did though.

Oh the drama!

Why is there always drama online?  I don't do drama and I try my hardest not to cause drama.  I am a mod in an induced lactation group online. I was appointed many months ago.  It's a great group of ladies only.  So I posted a few days ago about positions to "feed" your partner/spouse, etc. Seemed like a very valid question and something that is not off-topic.  Well, early this morning, another mod sends me a message and writes,

"We've lost about 40 members in one day. I wasn't sure if you'd banned some or if a bunch just left. Now here is the sticky part - they're gone since your post about partner positions. I think it's a valid post, but it may have been really insensitive, especially being a moderator. So many of members are doing this on their own.

Could you let me know please, and please know that I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I just know that XXXX is off on her vacation - so I didn't want to ask her.

Hugs."

Really????  As if MY question about positions was the reason 40 or so members left?  I felt attacked.  I don't think it was insensitive at all - there are women in all stages if inducing. Some alone, some with partners.  As you know, I did it completely alone in the January.  There are posts about all sorts of things that someone might find offensive.  I don't need to be blamed for a bunch of people leaving the group. Nice way to attack me, lady!!!  And ending it with "hugs"???  I don't think so.  She's already alienated a few people - she's a relatively new mod.  I think she wants to just take over.

Anyway - I am over it.  

I used the proper size breast pump flanges today.  What a difference.  I think I got more milk into the bottles and more sprays while pumping.  Definitely good things, and when I stopped pumping, I put my mouth on my breast and the right one gave me a big spurt of milk.  :)  This is positive progress.  I am very happy.  I hope to get better volume soon - better than what I had before.   I don't need a lot, but I want enough, if that makes sense.  

Snacking through the night.

That's what my husband was doing.  That is supposed to be great for the supply.  We did 9:30, 11:15, 1:45AM, 4:00 AM and 7AM.  Almost got caught at 7AM.  My son was still motionless and sleeping from what I saw on his monitor in his room, but - about 5 minutes later, I heard his door open and then he appeared in our bedroom.  Fortunately, it's dark in our room and I am covered and he doesn't see anything.  I know he'd ask what Daddy was doing if he saw something.  I hate when he barges in, but locking our door overnight is not an option.

I asked my husband if he minded that I woke him up three times in the night to snack and he told me not at all.  :)  He can do it while almost sleeping and so can I.  Yesterday, I nursed him to sleep.  hah! I feel so powerful in a very different way.  My super power is nursing you to sleep.

My boobs feel different though.  Like there's a LOT more going on now than yesterday.  I am feeling the need to express milk a lot more often and it's more of an intense feeling that I NEED to do it before I burst sort of thing.  I can tell they've gotten bigger.  Maybe a cup size.  Yay!  I need all the help in the bust department that I can get.  :)

I want more nursing bras.  It's so much more convenient for pumping and stuff to just release the trap door rather than pull the whole bra up or the cup down, stretching out the bra.  I always loved my nursing bras.  I wish I kept them all.  I kept two.  Maybe we can pick up another today while we're out.  I hope so.

Inadequate.

I never thought I had small nipples, until I saw the breast shields/flanges for breast pumps.  They are ginormous!!  Compared to me, anyway.  I guess that's the one thing on me that is small.  I have been pumping with the shields that came with the pump, knowing that it was too big.  So I decided to spring for some smaller ones.  The 21mm instead of the 24mm or 28mm that it came with.  Crazy that they are so huge.  Not that I've been comparing my nipples to anyone else, but I never thought they were so small.  Apparently, I was wrong.  But they worked fine when feeding my son as a baby.

My husband woke me up at 3AM to have a nursing session.  It was pretty awesome.  Shortly after that, my son woke up, crying. *sigh*  Never a moment of peace for adult time - even if we try in the middle of the night.  So I went into his room to see what was going on.  He is having growing pains. Poor kid.  So I got him situated and we did a little bit more.  A bit later, he came into our room because he had  tummy ache.  So I, being the momma, made him feel better.  By then, I was up for the day - at 4:22AM.  Yep. If only it were so easy that I could solve his problems by popping a boob into his mouth. Those days are LONG gone.

I expressed a little milk in the shower and then right afterward offered up to my husband, who latched on for about 15 minutes.  I had to get back downstairs to the kid before he came knocking on the bedroom door.  Like I said, little to no adult time here at this stage of life.  Of course, when I am wanting it MORE.

They went off to karate class (I usually take him, but since I was up since 3AM - I told my husband I couldn't and the kid insisted he was fine to go.)  and I got the pump out and pumped for 20 minutes.  I am really wanting to bump my supply up.  Slowly, it is.  It will get to where it was in June.  Starting over is not easy, but I am getting there.  This time, it's more fun with my husband's involvement.

A little time to  myself is always a nice thing.  They will be home soon, but I had a nice break.

Pumping on demand.

That is what I am trying to do today.  When my boobs tell me I need to do it, I do it.  (If I can with the kid home from school now.)  It doesn't matter if it's been 20 minutes or two hours.  I will pump. The bigger the demand, the bigger the supply. I hope.  :)  That is supposed to be how it works, anyway.

I really want a nursing weekend.  A whole weekend to do nothing but pump and nurse.  That would be amazing for the supply, I am sure.  But we'd be lucky to have one full day since the kid is usually underfoot.  I am sure we could send the kid to his grandma's house for a day, but he's not ready for overnight yet.  He tells me that.  We keep offering though.  I hope he will at some point soon.

Since starting this journey with my husband, we've gotten so much closer.  Our bond is so much stronger.  We are much more touchy and feely and snuggly than we were.  Now that I have given him permission to touch me and the "come get it when you want it" permission, it's a huge difference.

What else is going through my head?  It's time to pump again.

Today was a bust.

So frustrating.  Absolutely no time to myself today - at least, not enough to actually pump, that is.  I missed three or four pumping sessions.  I am so frustrated.  And sore.  I did manage to get a little bit out RIGHT before my son woke up from his nap, crying.  :/

I got a good spray on video though, from the right side.  That made me happy.  I love seeing it spray. There were several sprays, but I hardly ever catch any on camera, even though I try.  If I can upload it I'll link to it.  If not, you'll just have to take my word for it.  A few really big drops of milk and then the squirt, then more drops.

Tomorrow, I plan to stay home as much as possible and work on what I couldn't do today.  I don't think I have anything planned, aside from helping out at the school in the morning.

30 minutes of heaven.

My husband spend a glorious 30 minutes on my boobs this morning.  It feels so amazingly relaxing and peaceful.  He told me that he had no idea he'd be breastfeeding as an adult - he was never breastfed as a baby.  I know, I know, but we all have our kinks, right?  He told me that it feels so good and so comforting to be attached to my boob and getting milk out.  I love that he loves it.  The early morning sessions are definitely my favorite.  He's gentle and my boobs are full and it just feels amazing in the dark, quiet room.

I had a lot of spraying milk this morning in the shower.  Like, every time I squeezed the milk out, it was a spray.  :)  LOVE that.  That means, I know he's getting milk when he's hanging out on the boob.  I know that this is a very common kink for couples.... not just us.  People just don't talk about it.  It does a lot for me as well though - I feel so much better about myself.  So much more confident and sexy.  I mean, my boobs are making milk!!

I did look into donating the milk - there are places that will take it from women who induce.  Some will even pay.  There are men out there who will buy it.  I will probably never produce enough for that, but - it's an option.  Otherwise it will just go down the drain, if my husband doesn't take it.